this is my first ever blog since i created the account in June 2007.. and in my life..
i've always regard myself as a happy go lucky girl, always look as things as half glass full.i guess that is what attracted assam boi when he met me. he always say that i made him smile.
last night we had an argument..
it is only then i realise, to love somebody too much actually hurts them tremendously.. there's so many things that he used to love to do, like going clubbing, staying out late, chatting with friends (girl friends and guys too) till wee hours of the morning. nowadays, he has restricted himself from doing as he knows that either he has to bring me along, or that i wouldn't like it..
i admit, i hate those late night sms with girls, but the rest i'm not restricting him.. all i ask is that i go and enjoy my night out too.. is that too much to ask..
m i being over sensitive over sms-es late in the night till 2-3 am? especially with a girl who once admit has the hots for him? I assume everyone (not only girls) will not be ok with this.. especially when they call each other sayang, honey etc etc...
he keeps telling me that's what he use to do and he miss doing it.. y cant i accept that this is him? anyway they r just best friends.. but y u only call my sweet names like these only when u need something? y cant we do these things together? go clubbing together, go yam cha together, today with ur friends, tomorrow with mine? arent lovers suppose to be happier doing things they like together? to show each other the world that they r in? to bring them into their world and b accepted?
i feel really bad when he said that he is very unhappy now that he is staying with me, he said that he is restricting himself bcoz he cares for me, that i m too stubborn to see his point of view. why can't i juz stay home while he go enjoy himself instead of me wanting to go clubbing at a different place?i understand that you r worried, so u cant enjoy urself as much when im somewhere else instead of safe at home. i understand u need space, im giving u space.. but dun u understand i too need the same things...
assam boi, u have always say that i always make u smile, make u laugh, say that u love me most when i m acting cute. but why r you letting ur love for me make u so unhappy, angry, hot tempered.. and in return it made me who i m today, unhappy, uncertain, unconfident.. it is so contradicting, so complicated..
i want u to be happy always,i dun 1 2 see u like this, i m so sad when i find out that ur love for me made u like this.. God, please teach me how to handle this.. i m just a woman with feelings, who just want the best for the man i love. Lord, i m doing my best to love him unconditionally, and pray that he loves me that way too..
Well, so much for the sleepless night that ended with me writing my first blog at 8 am in the morning.. sigh...
see u again tomorrow..
